


All The Time in The World

by Kimya-Kay (Kimya)



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Jiyong is stubborn, M/M, Oral Sex, Soulmates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:38:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimya/pseuds/Kimya-Kay
Summary: “I don’t want this,” his voice is raw with emotion, but it’s strong with his conviction. Youngbae opens his mouth and Jiyong talks over him. “I can fight this.”Youngbae looks at him assessing, “What about him?”Even though Youngbae doesn’t say his name, Jiyong’s stomach clenches at the thought of him. This kid, this Lee Seunghyun who in five seconds managed to become the thing Jiyong has been dreading his whole life.“If he’s really my soulmate he’ll be strong enough to survive it,” Jiyong says. It’s cruel, but he doesn’t care.





	All The Time in The World

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! In honor of Seungri blessing all of our ears with his new album, I decided to share this Soulmate AU. I've always loved Soulmate AU's and the idea that there was one person out there that fate knew was perfect for you. Of course in this story, things don't fall into place like they should Jiyong is stubborn and selfish, but of course he can't help but love Seungri anyway. 
> 
> I love this story a lot and I plan to write a follow up one of these days since there's still so much more I want to share about their story. Special thanks as always goes to Azazel who is the best hand holder and beta reader ever. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it and don't forget to check out Seungri's MV 1,2,3 which is amazing!!!
> 
>  ~

There are a lot of myths surrounding finding your soulmate. Some people say it’s like finding a piece of yourself you didn’t know was missing. Others say once you touch your soulmate everything in the world is more beautiful, every sound clearer, every color more vibrant. The most widespread myth is that once you bond with your soulmate you never feel sad or lonely again. The only thing that’s really clear about finding your soulmate is that once you touch, you know instantly.

Jiyong hates the idea of soulmates, he always has. He knows finding your soulmate is supposed to be a good thing, but Jiyong also knows that’s not always true. Finding your soulmate doesn’t mean you’ll be happy, it doesn’t even mean you’re going to fall in love with them and be with them forever. There are a lot of stories, less popular than the romantic myths, that he’s heard of soul bonding gone wrong. Violence, heartbreak, he even has a cousin who tried to kill herself to get away from her soulmate. A man who beat her, cheated on her, and treated her like property. Eventually, they worked something out so that she was able to move on and have her own life. But the thought of being tied to someone else for the rest of his life, someone he doesn’t get to choose, is terrifying.

So, when he meets the newest YG trainee, an arrogant kid name Lee Seunghyun who Jiyong is already annoyed by, he expects to shake hands and go on working his ass off trying to mold all of them into a skillful group that manages to work well together. What he isn’t expecting is the jolt that shoots through him and the way his whole body freezes up, even his heart stops. For a moment the whole world seems to go quiet, while he stares into eyes as wide and shocked as his own, then everything screeches back into motion, his heart is pounding and his whole body is vibrating with the realization that this is it, this is his other half.

“Oh my God,” Jiyong breathes and he wants to fling this kid’s hand away from him and run. Seunghyun’s knees give out and he sits down abruptly his face paling.

“Wha-what-“ he stutters, looking up at Jiyong in confusion.

“What’s going on?” Daesung is looking between them a confused look on his face.

“Wait-“

“Nothing happened,” Jiyong says releasing Seunghyun’s hand and rubbing his numb palm against his leg. There’s an ache in his chest, he can feel some part of him reaching out, reaching for the boy looking up at him, yearning to touch him again, to pull him as close as possible. God. “Get up.” Jiyong’s voice is hoarse from the strain of fighting his own body’s desire.

When Seunghyun just stares at him Jiyong frowns. “Fine, don’t get up,” and he leaves even though it makes his stomach ache and his insides feel hollow.

He’s not ready for this, he’s got his whole life ahead of him, he’s got the entire damn world to explore, how is he supposed to do that with a soulmate hampering him? He’s got a girlfriend for God’s sake.

He doesn’t slam the door behind himself, but it’s an effort. He leaves the building completely making the walk back to the dorm in a daze. When he shuts the door to his room he’s shaking. Part of it is anger, but deep down, he’s terrified. He can still feel the pull, he can feel his soul reaching out for Seunghyun and it’s the most surreal thing he’s ever felt in his life. Worse though, is the aching hollowness in his chest that he knows doesn’t belong to him, or not just to him. He can feel that his soulmate is hurting, the rejection of the bond feels like an open wound, pulsing with each beat of his heart.

Jiyong doesn’t know what to do, it hurts so bad. All he wants to do is run back, and that’s even more terrifying, the almost compulsive desire to touch and hold someone he doesn’t know. He’s always been afraid of things out of his control and the unfulfilled throb in his chest confirms everything he’s ever been scared of.

The others come back, bringing the new kid with them. Jiyong can feel it when he gets close, the ache inside Jiyong growing so painful it makes his eyes water. Jiyong watches the door, half terrified the door is going to open and half desperate for it. If he sees the kid now, he knows he won’t be able to stop himself. When the door does open, it’s just a crack and Youngbae slithers through the small gap before shutting the door firmly behind him. Jiyong breathes out a sigh of relief and buries his face in his hands.

“Jiyong,” Youngbae’s voice is soft, but when he puts a hand on Jiyong’s shoulder Jiyong can’t help but flinch, even that little bit of touch hurts, feels wrong. “Jiyong look at me.”

Jiyong takes a deep breath, tries to find that cold calm that he keeps inside himself for those moments when he feels out of control. Finally, he looks up. Youngbae is kneeling in front of him, at some point Jiyong's legs apparently gave out and he’s sitting on the floor. His eyes are wide and scared, scared for Jiyong.

“Jiyong,” Youngbae says again. “You can’t fight this.”

Jiyong lets out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. “I can,” he says even though he doesn’t think he can. “I don’t want this, Bae.”

“I know,” and Youngbae is the only person in the world who really does know. Jiyong and Youngbae have spent years huddled together, whispering their secrets to each other in the dark. Youngbae knows how Jiyong feels about soulmates, he knows about Jiyong’s deep-seated fear. “I know you’re scared, but you can’t fight against this. It’s dangerous.”

A real sob escapes and Jiyong clenches his teeth to stop any more, but tears leak out of his eyes anyway. It is dangerous, people have died from rejected bonds. Jiyong knows this, but he doesn’t care. “I don’t want this,” his voice is raw with emotion, but it’s strong with his conviction. Youngbae opens his mouth and Jiyong talks over him. “I can fight this.”

Youngbae looks at him assessing, “What about him?”

Even though Youngbae doesn’t say his name, Jiyong’s stomach clenches at the thought of _him_. This kid, this Lee Seunghyun who in five seconds managed to become the thing Jiyong has been dreading his whole life.

“If he’s really my soulmate he’ll be strong enough to survive it,” Jiyong says. It’s cruel, but he doesn’t care.

Youngbae watches him for a moment longer before shaking his head. “I don’t like this,” he says at last. But he doesn’t try and convince Jiyong again.

Jiyong opens his mouth and hesitates a moment, finally he can’t help but ask, “Is he okay?”

Youngbae smiles crookedly at him, “He says he’s fine,” Youngbae says. “He was shaking like a leaf by the time we got him back here, but he keeps saying he’s fine.” Youngbae’s smile wilts around the edges. “He won’t let anyone touch him though.”

Jiyong tries not to think too hard about that. “Does everyone know?”

Youngbae shakes his head, “Just me,” he says. “He said he was weak because he hadn’t eaten and they bought it.”

Jiyong sighs and closes his eyes. “That was smart of him,” Jiyong says.

Silence falls between them for a few moments, “Do you need anything?” Youngbae asks. Jiyong shakes his head, his eyes still closed. There’s only one thing he really needs, but he’s not giving in.

“Okay, I’m going to go help the new kid get settled.”

*

The first day is the hardest with little Seunghyun, as they decided to call him, hovering around the dorm. He’s smart because he doesn’t try to approach Jiyong, even though he must be hurting as much, if not more, than Jiyong. After the first day, Jiyong becomes practiced at ignoring the longing ache in his chest. The pain of being touched fades, or maybe he just gets used to it. But after the first week, Jiyong is able to ignore the unfulfilled bond the same way he would pulled muscles. He ignores Little Seunghyun just as well. A few times little Seunghyun approaches him, tries to speak to him and Jiyong looks right through him and ignores him like he isn’t even there. It hurts, especially when he can see the devastated look on little Seunghyun’s face. But Jiyong embraces that coldness that he uses when things get really hard, and ignores the ever growing hollowness inside him.

Little Seunghyun actually manages to fit in with the group well and even through his resentment Jiyong has to admit that little Seunghyun works hard. Little Seunghyun picks up choreography quickly and even knows it well enough to help big Seunghyun and Daesung with their footwork. If he’s feeling as hollow as Jiyong he hides it well.

As Jiyong had predicted, Little Seunghyun is strong. He doesn’t push and doesn’t ask Jiyong for anything, but every day that hollowness grows deeper. Until one day little Seunghyun won’t wake up. Daesung comes running out of their shared room eyes glassy with tears hand already dialing the manager. “Something’s wrong with him.”

They all rush in, Jiyong faster than everyone. Little Seunghyun is pale and there are deep shadows under his eyes. Youngbae puts a hand on his forehead and blanches before settling back on his heels. “Jiyong,” he says voice heavy. “You have to do something.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Daesung’s frantic tear-filled voice is annoyingly loud behind him and Jiyong can’t look away from little Seunghyun's colorless face.

Youngbae gives him a withering look and then lowers his voice. “You can’t keep ignoring the bond Jiyong, it can kill him, it can kill both of you.”

“That’s a myth.”

Youngbae rolls his eyes, “It’s not, there’s actual scientific evidence and you know that.” Youngbae moves closer and puts an arm around Jiyong’s shoulder. “Ji, I know you’re not happy about this, but you can’t keep denying him, look what’s happening.”

Jiyong so badly wants to believe it’s all a myth, that he can ignore the way every part of him aches for little Seunghyun and it will all go away and he can go on with his life. Despite the angry looks from Youngbae and the weight of guilt in his chest Jiyong doesn’t touch little Seunghyun even when the ambulance comes and takes him away, Jiyong still doesn’t move.

It’s not until he’s looking down at little Seunghyun looking scarily small in the hospital bed that he starts to question himself.  When the doctor comes back and says the illness really is from a rejected bond and that little Seunghyun’s weakened soul has made his body want to give up, Jiyong start to feel like maybe he can’t fight anymore.

“Isn’t he too young to have a soulmate?” Daesung asks from where he and the other members are squished into chairs outside little Seunghyun’s room.

Hyunseung shrugs and big Seunghyun frowns. “He never said anything, but he’s been more tired than usual when he stays late to help us practice.”

When they’re asked to leave Jiyong pretends he forgot something and tells them all he’ll meet them back at the dorm. When he gets back to little Seunghyun’s room he stares at him for a moment, anger bubbling up inside him. “This isn’t fair,” he whispers. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to be tied to someone for the rest of my life.” The silence stretches, and Jiyong lets himself rage at the unfairness of it all. It’s not little Seunghyun’s fault, but he’s an easy target and for a moment Jiyong hates him with everything he has. Even with all the anger and resentment he can still feel his soul reaching out for little Seunghyun.

 

He could do it, Jiyong realizes suddenly, he’s angry enough and stubborn enough that he thinks he could ignore the bond forever. But the thought that makes ice fill his chest is that little Seunghyun would let him. Looking at his tiny body in the hospital bed, frail and barely hanging on, Jiyong realizes that little Seunghyun is even more stubborn than Jiyong is, because he would die before asking Jiyong to give in.

 

Jiyong doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop resenting little Seunghyun for being the soul unfortunate enough to be tied to his forever. But he doesn’t think that someone as stubborn and strong willed as little Seunghyun deserves to die because of Jiyong’s fears. So, finally, Jiyong gives in. He wraps his fingers around little Seunghyun’s wrist, feeling how thin it is and how thready his pulse is.

He starts stroking the cool skin under his fingers and sighs as some of the pain he’s gotten used to ignoring starts to fade. “I know you never wanted this either,” he says, both of his hands now cradling little Seunghyun’s and even that little bit of contact soothes the deep ache inside him.  “Okay,” he finally says threading their fingers together. “Okay, you’re mine, I accept you.” And he really gives in. It would be hard to put the sensation into words, the feeling of your soul reaching out to someone else. Like an invisible part of yourself you didn’t know you had extending outside your body, searching for something. Jiyong’s been holding that part, keeping it coiled tight inside him to keep it from reaching out and grasping what it really wants. Now, he uncoils, lets that part of himself he’s been holding so tight seek what it’s always been searching for.

Nothing happens at first and Jiyong has a moment of panic. Did he wait too long?

 

Then Seungri gasps in the bed, his body going tight for a moment and suddenly Jiyong feels it, he feels little Seunghyun’s weakened soul, and the despair that he seems to be drowning in. Then it’s clutching onto their connection, and Jiyong’s knees go weak when he feels just how close Seungri’s body was to giving up.

 

“Fuck,” he whispers and sits on the bed shaking. He’d known, of course he had, that rejected soul bonds could kill people, but for some reason he didn’t think it was going to happen to them. Little Seunghyun was strong, something Jiyong couldn’t help but be impressed by. But Jiyong had just taken it for granted that if he could survive rejecting the bond so could his soulmate.

 

Only now that Jiyong can feel just how close to giving up his body was, does he really realize he had condemned someone else to die. He had almost taken someone else’s life.

 

The guilt threatens to swallow him for a moment, before his anger comes back. Okay, so he was selfish, but he also just wanted to have his own life. The anger burns out just as quickly as it came and he sighs, rubbing his free hand through his hair. There was no good solution, he realizes, he didn’t have a choice, so he fought it, Little Seunghyun didn’t have a choice either so he endured it. Both of them were trapped. Maybe it was time for them to work together, little Seunghyun at least deserved a chance to speak for himself.

 

Jiyong looks up and is relieved to see the monitors looking better. Little Seunghyun’s pulse looks more stable, and when Jiyong looks at his face, his color even looks better.

A nurse comes in a moment later and Jiyong looks up guiltily. He knows visiting hours are past over. The nurse takes one look at their linked hands and the readouts of the machines attached to little Seunghyun and gives him a knowing look. “Be careful with this little one,” she says. “He seems like the kind to give everything for someone he loves. Don’t take advantage of that.”

Jiyong can only nod.

“You can stay the night if you’d like, we encourage it for people suffering from soul sicknesses.”

Jiyong does stay, he kicks off his shoes and crawls under the covers with little Seunghyun feeling his heart break a little as little Seunghyun rolls towards him instinctively. Unable to help himself any longer, Jiyong pulls him close, careful of the IV lines and monitor wires. Little Seunghyun fits perfectly in his arms, their bodies molding together like they were made for each other, which obviously they were.

The next morning little Seunghyun wakes up when Jiyong does, his color is good, his eyes are bright and he almost looks like he was never sick at all.  

Little Seunghyun is embarrassed and shifts out of Jiyong arms immediately, “Sorry,” he mumbles. He tries to sit up but immediately collapses back against the pillows his face going a little pale. This time Jiyong can feel it, the weakness in Seunghyun’s body, the shakiness in his limbs and the cold pit of sadness draining all his energy.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this bad?” Jiyong asks. It’s not little Seunghyun’s fault, if Jiyong had paid even a little bit of attention to their bond he would have felt it. “Don’t let it get like this again,” Jiyong says before little Seunghyun can come up with an answer. “If you start feeling bad like this again come tell me. I’ll,” Jiyong shifts uncomfortably. “I’ll try and do better.”

Little Seunghyun looks at him with wide dark eyes and nods. “Okay, hyung.”

When they get home things go relatively back to normal. Everyone knows now, and Yang Hyun Suk calls Jiyong into his office once he finds out what happened. “You are in charge because I trust you to be responsible for the rest of the members. These aren’t the actions of a responsible leader.” Jiyong knows he’s right but he hates hearing it all the same. “You can do better. Don’t let it happen again.”

He expects “I told you so” from Youngbae. But all that happens is Youngbae catches him alone and hugs him. “I know this sucks,” he says. “But you need to try and find the bright side of this. Finding your soulmate isn’t a bad thing, Jiyong.”

Jiyong wants to shrug him off but he doesn’t. Youngbae is just trying to look out for him.

Still, Little Seunghyun isn’t bad. He’s talented, hardworking, and honestly really good looking. Jiyong doesn’t know if he believes they’ll end up together forever, but there’s no harm in giving into the bond for now.

So, he starts sticking to little Seunghyun like glue. Holding his hand, hugging him, holding him close whenever he gets the chance, and eventually kissing him. Once he starts he can’t seem to stop and Jiyong starts to think there might be something to this whole soulmate thing. Little Seunghyun has the best reactions. Even when he scrunches up his face and pulls away from Jiyong, Jiyong can feel a flutter in his chest that tells him little Seunghyun is thrilled with the attention.

Jiyong breaks up with his girlfriend and crawls into little Seunghyun's bed at night. He finds that he himself didn’t realize how tired he was, how drained he was from denying the bond.

After some hard moments, they eventually debut and Jiyong couldn’t be happier. It’s hard, they work almost constantly, but he doesn’t mind, he’s doing what he always wanted and what he’s been working towards his whole life. Plus, when he’s tired, when he’s down, he just needs to pull little Seunghyun, Seungri as he’s called now, close and hold him to be replenished.

Eventually though, Jiyong feels himself getting bored. Two years after debut when BigBang starts gaining momentum Jiyong suddenly finds himself with invitations to parties, galas, and runway shows. He’s getting more attention than he ever dreamed and even better, he’s getting recognition for his songs and hard work.

Seungri doesn’t say anything, he seems genuinely happy for Jiyong, but their bond starts to grow fuzzy. Suddenly, the dark circles are back under Seungri’s eyes and it’s harder to wake him in the mornings when they have a schedule.

Youngbae catches Jiyong coming into the dorm late one night and Jiyong rolls his eyes, “Don’t” Jiyong, says when he sees Youngbae waiting for him in the kitchen.

“We almost had to take him to the hospital today,” Youngbae says.

Jiyong sighs, “I told him to tell me if it started getting bad.”

“So you didn’t know?”

Jiyong looks away, of course he knew. But what was he supposed to do, not have a life?

“I’ll handle it,” he says before Youngbae can make him feel worse.

He brushes past his best friend and goes straight into Seungri’s room. They’re doing well enough now that they all have their own rooms, but Jiyong knows he’s got unlimited access to the maknae’s room.

Seungri is sleeping curled up on his side and even in the dark, Jiyong can tell he doesn’t look good.

Jiyong undresses, leaving his new and expensive clothes in a pile on the floor before crawling in bed with Seungri and curling around him, drawing Seungri close enough that they are touching everywhere it’s possible to touch.

Immediately the ache in his chest that he’s been ignoring starts to fade. Really, Jiyong should know by now that Seungri isn’t going to complain. He should pay attention to what he knows Seungri is feeling, but Seungri has to take some responsibility too. He drifts off determined to talk to Seungri about it in the morning.

When he wakes up, Seungri still curled up in his arms, but he’s turned over some time in the night and now he’s facing Jiyong, long eyelashes fanning across his cheeks. The dark circles seem a little better, but they’re still more visible than Jiyong likes.

“I know you’re awake,” Jiyong says.

Seungri blinks his eyes open, “Morning, hyung.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’re really busy,” Seungri says with a shrug. “I was fine.”

“Youngbae said you almost went to the hospital.

Seungri rolls his eyes, “I’m just tired.”

Jiyong sighs, “Ri,” he says softly. “Don’t let me do this to you, I know I can be selfish, but I need you to tell me when you need me, okay?” Seungri looks away and Jiyong reaches up to cup his cheek forcing Seungri to meet his eyes again. “Seungri-ah, I know you’re trying not to burden me, but that’s not fair. There has to be a way we can work this out but still have our own lives.”

“Nothing has to change,” Seungri says. “We’ll just keep going like we have, I’ll just let you know when I start to feel drained.”

“This isn’t working though.”

“I don’t know what you want me to do!” Seungri sighs, pulling away in frustration and rolling over onto his back. “I know you just want to be free of this whole thing, but there’s no way that I know of to break the bond. So, I just give you your space and let you do what you want.”

“What do you want?” Jiyong realizes he never asked before, probably because he was afraid of the answer. Seungri doesn’t answer and Jiyong feels his stomach knotting up. “Seungri-ah.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“It does.”

“You say that, but you really don’t care,” Seungri turns to look at him and Jiyong feels sick to see tears in his eyes, he’s never seen Seungri cry. “You want your freedom and I want you to be happy.”

Jiyong rolls onto his back with a sigh, he can’t watch Seungri cry. “There has to be a way for this to work, otherwise why would we be soulmates?”

“What do you want?”

“I just want to live my life,” Jiyong says. “I want to experience life as a normal person would.”

“So, let’s both do that,” Seungri says. “I’ll go experience life too and maybe it’ll be easier.”

“And if it isn’t?”

“Then I’ll be okay.”

Jiyong doesn’t say anything, he knows that’s a lie, but he doesn’t want to contradict Seungri, not when he can feel the aching pain in Seungri’s chest. Even with them lying right next to each other, Seungri still aches for him. Jiyong doesn’t know how to fix it.

Three months later Seungri collapses during rehearsal, not even an hour later Jiyong collapses too. The hospital puts them in a shared room and when the diagnosis comes back as soul sickness for both of them, their manager rages at them for irresponsibility and wasting everyone’s time.

 

When he walks out in disgust Seungri and Jiyong both lay in bed in silence.

“You have a girlfriend,” Jiyong says. He knows because he can feel it every time they have sex, it makes him feel nauseated and weak when Seungri connects with someone else like that and he can’t help but remember how often he’s slept around, not knowing Seungri has been feeling that way.

“I do.”

“How did you handle feeling this way for so long?” Jiyong asks.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Seungri says.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jiyong says.

“I don’t either.”

When Yang Hyun Suk finds out why both of them are in the hospital he sets up an appointment with a specialist. There are doctors who specialize in the treatment of soul sickness and helping people who are having issues with their bond. Jiyong doesn’t want to ask how expensive the doctor is; they really need the help.

When they’re sitting in front of the specialist, Dr. Kim, Jiyong suddenly feels like an idiot, how hard can it be to just be with your soulmate?

The specialist lets them sit for a moment, and when Jiyong starts to get frustrated, Seungri speaks.

“Do you think you can help us?”

“What do you need help with?”

Seungri shrugs, “We keep rejecting each other and getting sick.”

“Why are you rejecting each other?”

Neither of the answer and Dr. Kim looks between the two of them. “Do you hate each other?”

When they shake their heads he nods. “Do you like each other?” Jiyong shrugs and looks over to see Seungri doing the same. “Do you not find each other attractive?”

Jiyong looks away embarrassed, and he can practically feel the blush crawling over Seungri’s cheeks.

“If you like each other and you find each other attractive what’s the problem?” Dr. Kim says. He pauses for a moment, “Have you guys had sex?”

“What kind of question is that?!” Jiyong says, he’s flushing himself now and he hates it.

Dr. Kim just looks back and forth between them, until Seungri sighs and answers, “Technically, no.”

“One of the ways to reinforce the bond is having sex,” Dr. Kim explains. “It’s a physical way for your souls to connect. If you guys haven’t had sex, then it’s no wonder you’re draining each other.”

“So we just have to sleep together?” Seungri asks.

“You don’t have to,” Dr. Kim says. “There are ways to reinforce the bond without it. The problem, from what I know of your story, is that you haven’t connected intimately. Intimacy can be physical, it can also be emotional and mental. If you don’t want to physically connect then you have to open up to each other and connect emotionally and mentally.” When they just stared at him blankly he sighs. “Talk to each other, support each other, be open and honest about what you feel and what you need. That’s how you make emotional connections. Those connections will strengthen your bond and allow you to keep going, without draining each other.”

“Is-“ Seungri cuts off and gives Jiyong a sidelong look. “Is there a way to break the bond?”

Dr. Kim sits back his eyebrows shooting up. “Break it?” he asks. “Is it that serious?”

“He doesn’t want me,” Seungri says and he sounds discouraged and at the same time so matter of fact that it makes Jiyong’s throat tight. “If there’s a way to break it, I want to free him. And myself.” He swallows. “I would rather be with someone who wants me.”

Jiyong feels like the biggest asshole on earth. “It’s not that I don’t want you,” he says, turning to face Seungri on the couch. “I just, I wasn’t ready to be tied to someone forever. I just hate that I don’t have a choice.”

“Is there a way to break it?” Seungri asks ignoring him.

“No,” Dr. Kim says. “There are ways to mask its effects, but they are hard and I only recommend them if a person is bonded to someone truly dangerous for them. This is not that kind of situation.”

“If we have sex, can we still…” Jiyong trails off not sure how to continue.

“Can we still see other people?” Seungri finishes for him. “Like if we have sex regularly can we go on with our lives like unbonded people.”

Dr. Kim sighs. “That will probably work. You’ll still be drained, but you’ll be less likely to get drained to the point you’ll get soul sickness and need to be hospitalized.” He looks between them. “It’s not what I recommend, but if that’s what you want, then it might make things work for now.”

Jiyong looks at Seungri and Seungri nods at him.

That night, they’re sitting awkwardly on Seungri’s bed. “I’ve never slept with a man before,” Seungri says.

“I have,” Jiyong pulls his shirt off. “For me it’s just like sleeping with a girl, for you, it’s going to be a little harder.”

“How does it work?”

“You’ve never watched two guys together when you watch porn?”

Seungri flushes.

“So you have, good, well you’re going to be the bottom.”

“Why am I the bottom?”

“Because I’m older,” Seungri frowns at him. “Don’t argue maknae, just go wash up.”

Seungri complains under his breath but grabs his towel and leaves. Jiyong goes to his room and finds the condoms and lube he keeps stashed there and drops them on Seungri’s bed. He’d showered earlier so he just strips to his boxers and sits on Seungri’s bed to wait.

In the three years since they first met, they’ve mostly kissed. Sometimes, though, Jiyong really couldn’t keep his hands to himself and those same hands ended up in Seungri’s shorts, gripping, and pulling until Seungri was whimpering and shuddering. Then he’d grind himself against Seungri’s leg or ass, whatever he was pressed against, until he came too. Sometimes it was every night, Jiyong draping himself over Seungri or plastering himself against Seungri’s back, restless hands seeking. Other times, usually when he had a girlfriend, there would be month long gaps when he just crawled into Seungri’s bed and held him close.

But they’ve never gone this far. Jiyong wanted to, god, he’s always wanted to. From that first moment their hands touched his body had craved to be as close to Seungri as possible. But he’d never given in, somehow he always felt like getting that close would be too far, there would be no way to undo it.  

Now, though, they were out of options, and even as one part of him was thrilled at finally getting to explore this part of Seungri, he couldn’t help but feel like this was the final nail in the coffin of his freedom. He didn’t know if he could go back out in the world once he’d really had Seungri. It was hard enough now, to kiss and touch other people whose shape felt wrong against him, whose mouths and skin tasted wrong. Once he’s been inside Seungri will he really be able to be with anyone else? The thought is unnerving. Even more unnerving is that he almost wants to stop seeing other people, he almost just wants to have Seungri and only Seungri for the rest of his life. Which goes against everything he’s been fighting for.

Seungri walks back into his room, disrupting Jiyong spiraling thoughts. His skin pink from the shower and smelling like soap. Want twists in Jiyong’s stomach so hard he twitches.

“Turn off the lights and come to bed,” Jiyong says when Seungri hesitates at the door. It’s something he’s said countless times in their lives. Seungri obeys, the room going dark before Jiyong hears his feet shuffling across the carpet.

Seungri crawls into bed, keeping the towel wrapped firmly around his waist.

They start off in familiar territory, slow relaxing kisses. As always, the taste of Seungri is heady, it’s like no one he’s ever kissed. Just the feel of Seungri’s mouth against his and their bared skin touching has Jiyong so hard he’s almost dizzy with it. He slides on top of Seungri, lining their bodies up and presses against him as much as he can.

It’s easy to let his hands wander, to slip down his still shower warm skin and beneath the towel. Seungri’s already half hard for him, and his breath stutters when Jiyong grips his cock. Jiyong takes his time, giving Seungri slow firm strokes until he’s fully hard and Seungri is twitching up into his hand.

Jiyong knows he could make Seungri come with a few expert twists of his hands and God he wants to, it’s so satisfying watching him come apart. But not yet.

He slides down Seungri’s body, dragging the towel off Seungri’s hips as he moves lower. When he’s eyelevel with Seungri’s dick for the first time he has to pause, because he’s done this a handful of times with other guys but never with Seungri. He strokes and watches precum bead on the head of Seungri’s dick and suddenly he’s overwhelmed with the urge to taste him.

So, he gives in, running his tongue over the head of Seungri’s cock, looking up to see Seungri has his forearm over his eyes. Jiyong keeps watching, sucking Seungri into his mouth with a sigh of satisfaction. Seungri tastes as good as Jiyong knew he would. Jiyong loses himself in it for a moment, his eyes never leaving Seungri as he licks and sucks Seungri’s cock. Seungri’s trying to be quiet, his teeth digging into his lower lip and his hand fisted in the sheet. But every twitch and gasp from Jiyong’s attention inflates Jiyong’s ego.

Finally, Seungri seems to have had enough, “Hyung, if you don’t stop I’m going to come and that’s,” he cuts off with a groan as Jiyong slurps his way up his cock. “God, hyung that’s not how this is supposed to go.”

Jiyong pulls off Seungri’s cock with an obscene noise, “You think I can’t still fuck you if I make you come like this?” he asks. Seungri opens his mouth to answer but all that comes out is a whimper as Jiyong scrapes his teeth lightly over the head of Seungri’s cock. Jiyong goes back to what he was doing, slicking Seungri’s cock with his saliva and then using his hand to make up for what his mouth can’t reach.

He keeps a steady rhythm and Seungri starts thrusting up helplessly, his knuckles white where he’s gripping the sheets. There’s just enough light from the window for Jiyong to see that Seungri’s flushed all the way down his neck and he’s releasing these breathy, shaky moans that are making Jiyong’s cock throb.

God, he’s really going to make him come like this, the thought makes Jiyong feel almost dizzy with power.

They do have an ultimate goal though, so he fumbles with the lube he brought and manages to coat his fingers one handed. Seungri freezes when Jiyong rubs a slick finger against his hole. He’s not tense though, so Jiyong figures Seungri knows at least a little about what they’re going to do.

Jiyong keeps the same rhythm as he slowly slides the first finger inside Seungri. Seungri lets out an explosive breath, his body going tense for a moment before relaxing. It’s much easier than he thought it would be to even get a second finger in and Jiyong pulls off of Seungri’s cock.

“You said you haven’t done this before,” he says.

Seungri sighs, as Jiyong’s fingers push deeper, his hips twitching. “I’ve never done it with anyone else,” he says softly, then covers his face with his hands.

Oh wow. The mental image of Seungri fingering himself is so hot Jiyong has to rest his face on Seungri’s thigh to catch his breath.

“Do you think about me when you do this?” Jiyong can’t help but ask. He’s still stroking Seungri and fucking into him with two slick fingers. “Did you think about me doing this to you? About me inside you?”

The answer has to be yes, because the number of times Jiyong has thought about Seungri while getting off, alone and with other partners, is too many to count.

Seungri whines, and shakes his head, his hands still over his face. “Answer me, Seungri-ah,” Jiyong says.

Seungri’s body goes tense, then he nods before he’s coming in thick pulses over Jiyong’s hand, his ass clenching tight around Jiyong’s fingers. Seungri’s thighs tremble next to Jiyong’s face, and Jiyong almost forgets to move his hands and milk Seungri through it as he watches the muscles of his stomach contract as stripes of white paint his abdomen.

Jiyong feels like he’s about to explode, he pulls his fingers free and drops the lube twice before he manages slick himself up. Seungri’s still shivering with aftershocks when Jiyong hikes one of his legs up and presses the head of his cock against Seungri’s hole.

Seungri lets out a sharp gasp then goes quiet and tense as Jiyong pushes into him. Jiyong gasps as the link between them explodes with sensation. Suddenly, he can feel what Seungri is feeling. The sharp quivers of pleasure still going through him from his orgasm mixing with the burn of Jiyong stretching him open.

“Fuck,” they say the word together and then Seungri’s hands are gripping his hips and pulling him forward, and they groan in unison when Jiyong bottoms out.

Jiyong loses track of all thought, he loses track of everything except the tight heat of Seungri’s body as they move together to push them hard and fast to what promises to be the best orgasm of Jiyong’s life.

“Oh God, _oh god_ ,” Seungri’s voice is high and desperate, and Jiyong can’t even find words, he can feel his mouth pressing against Seungri’s throat and he can feel Seungri’s painful grip on his hips. Then they’re both gone, plunging over the shining edge and falling into pleasure so intense it hurts. Their connection is flooded and the waves of pleasure feed on each other until Jiyong thinks it’s never going to end.

Finally, they start to come down, and Jiyong becomes aware of his body in stages. The feel of Seungri’s skin against his, hot and slick with sweat, then Seungri’s still shuddering body, and soft panting breaths that could be either one of them.

“Jesus,” Seungri says and he wraps his arms around Jiyong’s back holding him close in a way he never has before. “I didn’t know it would be like that. Fuck.”

Jiyong just grunts, still too far gone to figure out words. He can’t tell if he should sleep for a week or go jog for ten miles. He feels both exhausted and so energized he thinks he could lift the whole bed without straining.

Seungri shifts under him and they both groan, Jiyong is still hard and from what he can feel Seungri is too. What the hell?

Now that he knows, Jiyong can’t help but move, groaning again at the dual sensation of being stretched and fucking into tight heat all at the same time. He pulls back then, shifting onto his elbows so that he’s still pressed completely against Seungri. He moves again, sliding out then back in slowly and watches with rapt attention the way Seungri’s head falls back and his eyes close.

This time, Jiyong takes his time, pushing them both to the edge with a slow steady pace, all his attention focused on Seungri, the way his body shifts with pleasure as they get closer and closer to climax. When Seungri comes his hands dig into Jiyong’s skin, his back arches and he lets out these soft whimpering moans that would probably be enough to get Jiyong off alone. But Seungri tightening around him, his body arching, and feeling Seungri’s pleasure through their connection and against his own body is too much and Jiyong comes as well, leaning down to muffle his groans against the skin of Seungri’s neck.

Jiyong drifts for a little while afterwards and when he starts to come back to himself he realizes Seungri is holding him close, one hand stroking down his spine, the other stroking over the back of his head. It’s the most intimate Seungri has ever touched him and Jiyong feels a world of regret that he’s denied himself this kind of closeness for so long.

In the end, he was right to be afraid, because he doesn’t think he will ever feel this close to anyone in the world no matter how attractive they are or what connections they have to offer. He pulls back enough to look at Seungri, taking in the pink still staining his cheeks and the way his hair is plastered to his head with sweat. Seungri is beautiful, always has been, and for the first time Jiyong realizes how lucky he is to be tied to someone so amazing. They really were perfect for each other.

“I love you, Seungri-ah,” he says softly and smiles sadly when Seungri’s eyes widen with shock. “Sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

Seungri watches him, examines him, “Really?” he asks at last and Jiyong can tell that Seungri doesn’t believe him. He really doesn’t think Jiyong loves him. Well he’s got the rest of their lives to prove it.

Instead of replying he kisses Seungri again, his whole body singing with the rightness of how intertwined and connect they are.

 

He has a lot to make up for, but he has all the time in the world to do it.

 

 ~


End file.
